Dating Violence- Teaching Woman Alex Vlasic Speaks Up

When I teach the Girls’ LEAP reflective curriculum to teens, I am amazed by how quickly the topic of dating violence comes up. In one program a couple of weeks ago, we asked the girls to split up into two groups and create skits about a conflict. The plots of both skits focused on abusive dating relationships. Today in another program, dating violence came up as an example of conflict, weeks before our discussions about healthy and unhealthy relationships.

This is serious! According to national statistics released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 4 adolescents experience emotional, mental, sexual or physical violence from a significant other. Over the Fourth of July weekend, Lauren Astley, a teen from Wayland, was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. The couple had been dating for three years before Astley ended the relationship.

Dating violence occurs when one partner holds power over the other – physically and/or emotionally. Mental and emotional abuse are often more subtle than physical abuse, and can therefore be more difficult for teens to recognize as unhealthy. As unhealthy behavior progresses, abuse can quickly escalate to sexual or physical forms. It is important for teens to be able to recognize when a relationship is unhealthy before it escalates. This is why we talk about advocates, healthy and unhealthy relationships, conflict management skills and asking for help in Girls’ LEAP programs. With these tools, teens can become more confident and more prepared to handle abusive situations when they arise.

One in four adolescents is too many! I believe that if all youth had the opportunity to participate in programs like Girls’ LEAP, teen dating violence would be significantly diminished. In Girls’ LEAP programs, girls learn to recognize the qualities of healthy and unhealthy relationships, and the difference between flirting and sexual harassment. They also learn how to deal with conflict in different ways and defend themselves both verbally and physically. This knowledge givesgirls in our programs the tools to stand up against dating violence.

Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

February is National Teen Dating Violence Prevention and Awareness Month and it is critical that we take this time to remember that partner violence is not just a problem for adults. One in three adolescents in the US will be a victim of physical, emotional or sexual abuse from a dating partner. Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser. And two-thirds of teens who are in an abusive relationship never tell anyone about the abuse. It’s time to shine a light on this issue.

Recognizing abuse in a relationship can be difficult, especially for teens. There are many types of abuse that young people may believe are normal in a relationship. At Girls’ LEAP Self-Defense we frequently hear from girls and young women about their experiences with harassment.  In our programs we teach that every girl has the right to safe and healthy relationships.  We discuss identifiable traits between healthy and unhealthy relationships and sexual harassment versus flirting.   We teach girls which peer behaviors are not tolerable and not just a part of the reality of being a girl.  We help them learn how to identify appropriate advocates, people that they feel safe talking to that can and will help them.


All of us can help prevent teen dating violence:

• Encourage legislators to introduce laws that require teen dating violence education in the classroom. Teens spend the majority of their time in school or at school-related activities and without laws in place to protect them, domestic and sexual violence among teens will continue to cause upheaval at home and at school. Encourage school leaders to step up if legislators will not and offer to pay the often small fees (less than $100) for effective dating violence prevention curricula.
• Know the laws.  In Massachusetts, minors can obtain Protection Orders (POs), and courts can issue POs against minor abusers. Massachusetts also allows people in dating relationships to seek POs against their abusers.
• Take the time to educate yourself and others about teen dating violence. The following websites offer information about teen dating violence and what you can do to help:

o   www.breakthecycle.org

o   www.loveisrespect.org

o   www.thesafespace.org

Teen dating violence is a community issue that goes beyond police response. Schools, government agencies, afterschool programs, and citizens all need to take part in teaching our youth how to recognize dangerous or inappropriate behavior and help them develop the skills to protect themselves.  Girls and women need opportunities to learn self-control, conflict de-escalation and to learn constructive responses to these issues. Every incident of violence erodes our communities; we must invest in the safety of our youth.