The Power of NO!

Cynthia Maltbie, Girls' LEAP Board President
shares her perspective on the power of NO!

This afternoon, I watched 20 girls shouting “NO!” as they air-kicked in unison.  It occurred to me that saying NO might be the most powerful thing we teach in our program.  NO!  Not a whisper.  Not an apology.  A confident, strong NO!

As a girl, I was taught to say YES.  It wasn’t so much that my parents insisted on yes, but all around me adults and adult messages reinforced that girls should be compliant.  Be polite…be agreeable…go with the flow. When I took my 13-year-old daughter to Spain, I realized how deeply the “yes” instinct had bored.  Whatever the question, even when—or especially when-- I didn’t understand—my response was “si.”  “Si”, I’ll buy a first class ticket on this train. “Si,” it’s okay if you seat us at this dark table. “Si,” I’ll pay for a bigger hotel room than we needed.

And then I took the Girls’ LEAP training and learned to shout, NO! 

And something completely surprising, totally unpredictable, happened.  I was having dinner with my husband and my best friend; by habit, one of them (I don’t remember which one) called me by a nickname I’ve had for 27 years.  For some reason—perhaps because of the training--I replied, “You know, I don’t like that nickname.  In fact, I have never liked that nickname.  In fact, I’ve always disliked that nickname.”

They were amazed.

“In 27 years, you’ve never said you didn’t like that name!” 

“I know.  It never occurred to me to tell you.”

And now I have a new nickname, one I like.